That time of year again…

It is that time again, the most dreaded time of the year for any teacher young or old. No, I don’t mean standardized testing or even mandatory principal evaluations. The time I am referring to is the first couple weeks of the school year where the underbelly of teaching reveals it’s evil. The time of year in which doctors across the nation are overwhelmed with cases of “teacheritis.”

This disease is a combination of the common cold, strep-throat, sinuses, and every other common child illness known to man. This illness begins with one poor teacher and can easily take over an entire staff. Symptoms of this dangerous sickness include: announcing your arrival into a room, with your immense coughing, minutes before you actually walk in, dialing your favorite substitutes phone number every morning for a week only to hang up because you simply do not want to write a sub-plan, and a quick decision to spend the week having your students “master” independent work. A teacher suffering from “teacheritis” will also be guaranteed that as soon as the first sniffle arrives, so too will the mandatory nine after-school meetings. It is a proven fact that a sore throat is a sure sign that every parent will want a meeting before the end of the week. A teacher’s cough is without question the universal sign for student misbehavior, and if a fever even remotely enters the picture little Bobby will, on cue, decide to prove he truly can replicate the exact sound of the raptors from Jurassic park .

As the beginning of this year progressed, I found myself a victim of “teacheritis.” To make matters worse, this illness quickly progressed to a strong case of the “man flu.” Suddenly what began as a simple sniffle had now altered my voice to sound somewhere between Phoebe singing “Smelly Cat” and Darth Vader proclaiming he is Luke’s father.

To follow theme with my previous posts, I want to not focus on the bad, but rather celebrate the positives. Here’s to the creators of Nyquil and essential oils for providing afflicted teachers a good night sleep. We say thank you to each custodian that supplies us with that extra boxes of tissues. To the co-worker that shares their cough drops, we LOVE you. Finally, to the true hero of schools, the school-nurse, we promise we will name our firstborn after you!!!

-Mr. Sauceman

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